What if this happened to you?

by Valerie, Mom Knows It All

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Would you be upset if someone in your family decided to celebrate something and everyone else in the family knew about it but you? I would be, and I am.

Earlier this week brother 1 (oldest of the three, all younger than me) invited brother 3 (Navy brother, new Dad, the youngest of the 3) out to dinner. When brother 3 asked if his wife (new mother to my niece, the most beautiful baby girl ever) was invited he was told “anyone else that wants to go goes Dutch treat”. (It’s very tacky to only invite half of a couple when the couple hasn’t seen each other in months, has no money and just had a new baby, but that’s not my problem.) All members of my family ended up going to this dinner except for me, RB and CJ. The dinner had been mentioned to RB but since RB has been out of work for more than a month now we weren’t about to waste our money on a crappy Chinese buffet. At the end of their meal brother 1 had the staff bring out something representing a cake or something and all of the staff sang happy birthday to my Mom.

We were never told anyone was planning on recognizing my Mom’s birthday. I think it’s wrong and hurtful that we weren’t told and that we had to find out after the fact. We might not have gone because of money but it would have been nice to be included and given the opportunity to decide for ourselves.

How would you feel if this happened to you?

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8 comments

Meaghan October 26, 2008 - 7:59 pm

That was very unclassy and tacky of them. I would be mad too. But, there loss and not yours. shame on them!

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Abe October 27, 2008 - 1:27 pm

It would be a bummer but I wouldn’t let it get to me that bad. There will be plenty more times to be with family.

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Baba October 27, 2008 - 7:30 pm

Very dissappointing to find inconsideration in a family member. Chalk it up to a learning lesson and next time try to get all the information before hand. I know it’s hard to do sometimes.

Babas last blog post..Aloha Friday

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Rebecca C October 31, 2008 - 4:47 am

I would definitely be upset and I would let everyone know about it. I wouldn’t cause drama, but I would let the important party know that I would have been there if I was informed it was for a celebration of some sort. BG

mommyhoodisthankless{AT}gmail.com

Rebecca Cs last blog post..You’re Not My Mommy

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Tiffany October 31, 2008 - 9:34 am

Well, tricky! They did invite you guys, and you did decline. Maybe they had a reason for not mentioning the birthday celebration? Maybe it was a last minute decision at the restaurant? I’d give them the benefit of the doubt…and I’d gently ask if they had planned to do the birthday thing before they went. Then maybe explain that while you couldn’t have afforded dinner, you would have appreciated being told about the birthday celebration so that you cold send along your best wishes. *shrugs* Still stinks, I know.
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Michele November 1, 2008 - 4:04 am

I would absolutely be upset if someone in my family was having a celebration and everyone was invited but me!! I think it’s rude, and I’d be very hurt.

BG

Michele R.(CA)
luvkittysmeowmail@gmail.com

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judy brittle November 1, 2008 - 3:01 pm

Yes I would be upset. Something like that just happened to me and I am hurt and angry. My niece had a Christening and everyone was invited except my grown children and grandkids. I guess they figured I have too many grandkids.I would just never let on how that made me feel.

BG

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John M December 3, 2008 - 12:44 am

I love your site. You seem to work very hard to upkeep with what you do.

Hello all. I would be upset if the context was taken out of perspective, or done intentionally. Maybe what needs to be considered is Maybe there was no initial plan of this happening when planning the get together… Maybe when you invite one person, the rest of the people always leech on, and have to have other people chaperone them places… Maybe with money being tight, the original people offered the outting tried to give an excuse, so maybe that brother said bring them along, but “dutch”.

Have you talked to brother1 about this?

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